Child Arrangements Mediation
Children are likely to feel distress when their parents’ divorce or separate but how will this affect them in the long-term? Research shows that the unhappiness usually fades with time, and that only a minority of children suffer long-term distress as a result of their parents separating.
What you do and say now as parents can make all the difference to how your child copes in the long run.
How Mediation Can Help
Mediation enables you to parent together and to have conversations that focus upon the children and their future needs and happiness.
The mediator can help you work through a number of things:
- How and when to speak to the children to inform them of the separation or divorce.
- Ways to be more child focussed on making the best decisions for them.
- Help you to communicate better as parents.
- Agree a child arrangement plan, how is the pattern going to work, drop offs, pick ups.
- Work out child maintenance.
- Tackle trust issues which you both may have lost when separating.
- Taking account of your children’s views and feelings – without giving children the whole responsibility for decisions.
- Helping you both to think about and agree the practical arrangements.
- Introducing new partners, when is the right time for you both to agree this is appropriate.
- Work through what one of you may feel is parent alienation but actually communication is being misinterpreted.
- Consider whether the child’s voice needs to be heard as part of the mediation process, we do meet with children if appropriate, see Child Consultation
What do Children Need?
Your children have a right to be considered first and they have the right to be heard in any decision being made about them as long as it is appropriate.
Children need from both parents:
- to be loved and have that expressed to them.
- to be cared for physically, emotionally and financially.
- to be heard and understood and for you to understand their needs as individuals.
- they need information which is appropriate to their age and understanding. There are helpful resources available for children.
- they want an end to parental conflict, they do not want to be involved in your adult arguments, rows or conflict.
- to know they have two parents who will continue to look after them and support them.
- they want to feel supported in meeting new partners or stepfamily.
- to know it is ok for them to have a relationship with both parents without suffering conflicts of loyalty.
- to be helped to maintain important relationships with extended family such as grandparents, aunts and uncles.